this morning, as i was on my way to my client, i had a very nice chit chat with my cab driver. i dont usually talk to cab drivers since I like the quiet time, just cruising on the highway and watching the world pass me by, but today, somehow, I couldn’t resist answering and actually engaging in a conversation with him.

Here’s a very short excerpt of the conversation that took place:

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Driver: "excuse me miss, you're not local?"
candy: "no, im not"
D: "i thought so, you dont have our accent" (candy thinking: thank God!) "where are you from ha?"
C: "im from the philippines"
D: "really? oh... you studied here?"
C: "no, i didnt, i studied in the phils and applied for work here"
D: "woa! that must mean you had high reports"
C: "not really..."
D: "so how long have you worked here?"
C: "about a year now" (my default answer hehe)
D: "oh, so you came here with your family?"
C: "no, i didnt. i came here alone"

and on and on and on. we talked about a lot of things: how i got to singapore, his youthful days as a seaman...
we also talked about my profession - auditing: how people leave audit firms after three years, how new employees are worked to death, etc etc he even knwso when the busy season is! He based it on how long the taxi queues in front of our building can get. (auditors rushing to their clients) Astig diba? Talk about being a very good observer!

but there was something he said that really made an impact on me today:

D: "you like singapore? You looked sad just now, saw you just now when you were getting in."

when i heard him say that, I wanted to cry. I wanted to pour my heart out and bawl… I wanted to tell him everything that I feel and how tired I am, but all I did was to remain quiet for a few seconds.

I’ve known for quite some time that im no longer happy. i'm so tired, i'm homesick, i'm lovesick, im miserable. Every waking moment, I think and I pray that all this will be over soon. but I never never realized that I actually look SAD and that people can tell! i am usually a very perky and jolly person (well, most of the time anyway)
but if people i dont even know can tell that im sad, then it must be true. And it must be getting worse than usual. :(

i just hope and pray that things will lighten up a bit. im sooooo tired.